goon show quotes
Seagoon: But dogs can't talk! Seagoon: Of course. Moriarty: That's difficult to say. I've never known of families growing beards to Up, up, sit up, sit up. N: To try to draw her attention I set fire to myself. I can't find my boot in the dark. [pause] Mo: Oh! G: Oh, Neddie. Lt. Hern: Where? Minnie: What, again? M: Come on boy, beg for your supper. N: Jim Tigernuts? [pause] Bloodnok: Then I have another idea. Moriarty: You, you and you alone will go down in history. Milligan: But we've just had it wallpapered! Seagoon: That's funny. Milligan: Someone's coming up the stairs, sir! And where are you going to build it? [door opens] the direction of up, near Blackpool. Unless it's a fog chicken, and there's no such thing as a fog chicken. two years to four. N: Don't worry, we've brought one with us. N: Which murder? Click the quote text or the image to go to the Pictures page where you can format and style the text and change the picture. Simply click the "Change Background Picture" button and click on any of the picture thumbnails you see to replace the current picture. Bloodnok: ((Right!)) And there's nothing on this page we can open it with. Herr Von Schlapper Eccles. G: He was murdered by a fake bullet. have a mountain twelve miles high! Milligan: How much? milk! Announcer: At this stage, the BBC are concerned about the possibility of H: The idea to- What was the idea? Bloodnok: I say, you're cutting it fine, aren't you? Oh! (Prosecutor) E: That's me! Experts'? M: Leather forever. N: Well, try and pass him! M: What? Well, you can stand by me to rely on you. E: Shut up! the idea, eh? Heckler: Aye, that's right, aye! Bloodnok: No. Bn: No. Mo: Caesar is all things to all men. Then I can build it near Croydon! Bluebottle: It's me, Blumebottuns. You said this is 1957? Footman: Well please, sir, would you move it on a bit further, sir? Blindfold. M: What-what-what-what? All right then, all right [pause] coat? Hern, and you die by Bert's method! Not likely! AIII! Each email has clear opt-out instructions and a clarification of why the person is receiving the email. Caesar (G): True, Moriartus, always a Roman eye. N: Nonsense! Bloodnok: Right! [thud] Bluebottle: AHOO! [crash]. W: Look, where are you going to? G: Haven't you any cups? Eccles: Ah, the hard ones first, eh? Min, hold this chicken. He wants tea without milk or tea or [leaves room] Bb: Captain? Bluebottle: Yes, why do you not open the door? Bluebottle: Then why are you standing up? trousers were torn as well. Seagoon: There must be a cooler route? You mean the Westminster floating pier has sunk? E: Oh, well, you just watch it, that's all. Bn: Thank you. Where shall we go, fellas? N: A magnificent expose of the plot, Bloodnok. W: I keep a dog, you see. Bn: How can I when I'm playing the part of Bloodnok? N: I am Hercules Grytpype-Thynne of the East Acton Geographical Society. N: And why not? Chisholm: The black-bearded criminal must have got in through the door or the windows. N: This man's impossible. It's just your intelligence that's in question. Let's get out of the water and see if our drawers cellular are the cart! E: What?! On Quotation Fun, you can choose from a wide array of images or even upload your own. Seagoon: Splendid, ring again tomorrow and we'll have another game. Moriarty: He hasn't got a door in his face. N: My card. N: Across the river, into the trees. N: OW! G: Neither have I, but there it is. Bn: I believe someone wanted to speak to me. N: He repeated. them? M: Why, Henry? N: Me? So this is a river! We stand back to back, and the What have I done? Moriarty: Look on the other side. Bn: Well! Drive to the desert. Seagoon: I wish I knew. from a quiet country field in a little iron room five hundred feet N: Yes, I don't know. Our Biography page will tell you more about. Announcer: For years we heard nothing from Neddie. Now, what was this all about? N: Nonsense, it's a house surrounded by trees. Bb: It's one of them things, what it is, that wakes you up at 8 o'clock, Announcer: Out in the mid-day sun. N: Gad, you're right. Bb: All right, then. Henry: That naughty dog, always forgetting his keys. leather. What was it? A full prison is a N: I can't think of anything to tell her. 3. M: Henry? mate. G: Dear, dear surgeon, you have overlooked one terrifying aspect of the dear Grytpype, I don't like it! Now, back to work or I'll belt your nut in! I can see you quite Bn: I'll pay pontoons only. However, if you wish to gain access to our more powerful features, you need to register, and remember, registration is completely FREE, furthermore there is absolutely no commitment. And out he went, while I settled down to watch telly in the N: Finally, on his ninety-third birthday, we sprang! What is it, Bn: Yes! next house but one. G: Stop, stop, please. H: Now, get back to your desk or I'll belt your nut in! G: He vouchsafed. Interviewer: We'll write to you. G: Put my three bags atop of the coach for Nottingham. (The Wad of Char), Wallace Greenslade: N: I took a course in it at Oxford, you know, and was sent down with N: It looks like water. (German 3) sleep! 2 o'clock! He was only a kid. He'll get a nest with an egg in it. M: Rubbish. Each commando is issued with an army sock full of lukewarm spaghetti, and when he meets a Hun full-face, it's WHOOSH - PUTT - NUK - MCNOOL! H: Shut up! Mo: OWWW. Ha, ha, ha, ha! Bluebottle: I never bought any premium bonds! Bb: Pssst! Moriarty: Sapristi! Gentlemen, gentlemen! Bluebottle, Eccles, search the house for food. N: Is it yours? said, 'On this nice military dotted line.' N: Why have you deserted your post? N: Ask the doggy? Mo: I might say whoever planned the robbery must be a man of the highest Henry: I told you he was mad. Eccles: Where are you? A house! [incomprehensible jabbering] M: Help, Eccles! Bloodnok: I told you it was. H: I'll be away for six years, Min. uncle slept in a cannon once. See also Now, these gold plates, are they valuable, sir? He threw Why are you- OWWW! I see Bloodnok: ((It's a gramophone record!)) N: Aaahhh! The pubs are all shut, lad! Your name? E: Oh, yeah, what's it called? N: But a sailor must expect these things! N: What a brilliantly mediocre idea! German 1: This man wearing a leather wig is Germany's greatest fighter ace, Eccles: OWWWWWW- [thud] OW! Henry: But if you stand by a twenty-foot easel, it'll make you look even shorter. The tables were surrounded second India. Sellers: Inside, it was pitch black and dark as well. Bn: Quick! And savour the arrive? a policeman. Seagoon: Why don't you answer? Altitude twenty To the airport! N: What does this mean? To make it worse, (Interviewer) G: Splendid. Mon card. N: And what are the ones with beards? I'll kill that blasted store keeper! N: Is it catching? Bn: Sailor? Who is it? H: Yes, but two of them are mine. That's a damned insult. Horse! Seagoon: What are they doing up there? N: ((What is it?)) M: Yes, Henry, yes... there's somebody knocking. Bn: Elephant soup with squodge spuds. How dare And by the time the Jerries have scraped it off, it's too late! Henry: Now, let's get some details and documents - we must have documents, you know. N: Well, ask you to come in. [explosion] German 1: Montgomery is always flying backwards and forwards between H: Well, we shall have to wash ourselves with a house brick. I asked you, how much do you want for them? E: We can't live on nothing! Seagoon: That's it! G: Do you have to burst in here? Unless I'm mistaken it's gonna go- [dong!] Lt. Hern: Where? And then I said, 'Where?' Seagoon: Why? Good heavens! S: Just a minute, Jim! Bloodnok: ((((Right!)))) Bb: Well, I was in the street, writing something on a wall. Seagoon: That road doesn't lead to it! 'Messrs Fred Moriarty Limited, Sunken Westminster Floating Pier Salvage One bell! Bn: Club! P-H-E-W? Seagoon: So, Bloodnok. The first time I've known of a piano with four legs. G: The British don't operate that way. We know. Bn: Not in my life. N: Heavy dentures, sir. Or we shall ban mid-week Don't you start shouting at me again, I'm- OWOWOWOWOWOWOW! N: Why not? Go on, tell him, dog! E: Um. Yes? Seagoon, you are to make your way to Hungary via Minnie: What are you talking about? Simply click on the name of the Author underneath a quote to see a list of all the quotes by that Author. G: Yes. William: No, they used to be me ears. Springs smartly to attention, putting left toe into rat Moriarty: Be quiet, or I'll tell them who sold those three cardboard tanks. Seagoon: Never mind who you are. Mmm! Bloodnok: Doesn't run. This spoon is out of tune, Min. Moriarty: Yes, I've got to go home for my gun. Bloodnok: Oh, that'll brush off, don't worry. Sellers: Why do you say there is discontent among the troops? Bb: Ladies and gentlemen, I want you to witness that for the first time in the history of the Goon Show, Blumebottle will not be deaded. I say, Eccles. Oh! If... this is 1957. Officer 2: Chickens do it all the time! Bloodnok: Don't worry, Seagoon. d.write('